i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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