I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize