my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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