Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
