Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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