dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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