Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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