Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
