They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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