he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
