Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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