You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
