that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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