Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
