She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
