Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
