Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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