my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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