I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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