if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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