My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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