Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
