First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
