i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
