She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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