i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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