My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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