just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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