in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
