I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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