id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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