At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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