I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
