did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
