You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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