The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
