Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
