Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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