Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
