Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
