I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize