I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize