the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
