I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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