On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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