i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
