did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
