I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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