I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
