i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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