How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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