Whod you bang
im six kinds of drunk right now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize