now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I believe in your delicious
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize