Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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