She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
