Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
