I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize