He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
