Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will pee on everything he values.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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