No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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