its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
