Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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