I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
