at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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