I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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